The player (who has obtained a superinjunction that means we cannot name him for legal reasons) issued a statement through his representative for northern Europe and Scandinavia, “ever since the stories I heard about Che Guevara when I was growing up, I always dreamed of turning out for UNITEd, just as I did about playing for Real Manchester and the East End Turbohammers. Up the Reds!!”
A spokesman on behalf of UNITEd told a gathering of journalists, “we made no secret of the fact that a proven striker was our top priority and we’re absolutely delighted to have captured one with real pedigree, as he proved in the last round of Champions League fixtures”.
UNITEd of course have a six-pointer coming up against their arch-rivals the Bullingdon Cavaliers, and the statement from the club alluded to the significance of such a signing in this context, “when you face tough opposition like the Bullingdon Cavaliers, the ability of a player to lead the line, strike out on his own and generally cause absolute mayhem is a big plus. In that sense, it’s important that the focal point of your strategy is kept free of injuries – apparently, he used to play a bit of football and we’ve told him to stop doing that”.
Take care and I’ll catch you soon